Or New Year’s Conversations that should have never happened.
Ms Oversharer aka Office Slut
Her: Hiiii! How was New Year’s?
Self: Oh very quiet. Just fine. (carefully avoiding asking about hers)
Her: Mine was awesome! So much booze! Tried so many new drinks – Long Island Iced Tea, a Cosmo, a Sex On The Beach and then….a Screaming Orgasm!
Self (awkwardly): Oh ok. Which club did you find the screaming orgasm in this city? Bartenders always apologise and say please choose another drink.
Her (genuinely surprised): It’s a drink?
Self: I didn’t say anything.
Self: Long night?
Self: Hah. So I can guess what you did on New Year’s.
Pothead (surfacing): Oh dude, I’m totally going to rock New Year’s eve tomorrow! So cool!
Self: Er. New Year’s was yesterday.
Self: I said, New Year’s was yesterday.
Self: Never mind.
NOT South East Asian. But referred to as such because every story, sometimes every sentence starts with “I was so drunk that…”
So-drunk: DUDE! Last night I was so drunk that when I woke up there was no water left in my body! It’d evaporated dude! You know, like alcohol! Hahaahahah
Self: Er. Yes. Ha. Ha.
So-drunk: And DUDE! I was so drunk that my girlfriend thought I’d died! Hahahahaahah
Self (agonised): Oh. That must have been…fun..
So-drunk: Yeah but DUDE she was SO DRUNK TOOO! Haahahahahah!
Self (despondently): Ha ha.