Just when I think the worst is over, Bitch Granny has come to stay for the weekend. Again.
Why? Don’t ask. Now, she has this tendency to sort of stretch the truth. Exaggerate. All right, lie. Bald facedly.
What I didn’t realise is that lying has now intermingled with senility.
Granny: You know, when I was younger, I was so fair. And so beautiful. And so thin.
Me: (thinking, because clearly, I am only one of the above. And not the second or third.): Hmmm. (Also, trying to write an important mail but constantly interrupted by GUESS WHO.)
Granny: In fact, your grandfather had come to see another girl. But ended up marrying me.
Me (Sigh. Snark is the only way.): This is why burkhas are popular in some countries I expect.
Granny (happily): Yes yes. (Mystifying, that.) In fact, I was wearing such old clothes, and still he told me I looked like a queen.
Me: Like Snow White’s stepmother?
Granny: Yes, yes! I had a mirror also.
Me: (Dumbstruck as usual. Sometimes I wonder if she’s ignoring me or if she’s crazy.)
Granny: And after that first day when he saw me, he told his mother he’s not marrying anyone else. Because I was so beautiful, so fair, so think, so well spoken…
Me: So bloody young.
Granny: Yes yes. I was 12 years younger than him.
Me: That’s like marrying a child. Yuck.
Granny: Yes, yes. In fact, (coyly) on our first night, he gave me a bangle and told me that he was in love with me.
Me: What??? Are you sure? My grandfather? (Outrage. He barely ever spoke. To anyone. Who knew the old boy had it in him?)
Granny: Yes yes. He held my left hand and told me that my hands were so beautiful and so fair and so thin. (Sigh.) And that he had fallen in love. And he’d had such a hard life. And his sister was the only other girl he’d spoken to…
Me: (cutting her off) His sister? He didn’t have one no? He was an only child….
Gran is suddenly thrown off guard. “Ahh…”
Me (suddenly, the light dawns): I think you’re remembering wrong….this is a scene from the Telegu movie we saw last night. You know? The hero says all this and then says that he won’t talk to any other girl the way he does to the heroine.
Granny and I are both embarrassed at this. Me because its rude. And I’ve put my foot in my mouth. I mean, I don’t like her very much. But I don’t want to hurt her. Granny, however, recovers magnificently.
Granny: Yes yes! This happened to me! But the man who wrote the film Mr Subba Rao, was a very good friend of your grandfather’s. That’s how the scene happened.
Granny: Yes yes.
Me: I have to go to the bathroom now.
Luckily, my shower is loud enough to drown out any giggling.